1.
On a break time, a teacher realized that one of his students had just stayed idle like a desolated statue.
Wanting to at least cheer him up, the teacher went where the kid was and sat down besides him and said,
“Johnny, what’s wrong with you? Are you sick?”
“No.” He said shaking his head.
“So what’s wrong?”
“I just wanna be alone.”
“Why?”
“Nothing.”
“Come on, what if you tell me a story?”
“Hmmm,” said Johnny, “okay, I’ll tell you this story in four parts.”
“Now you’re talking. What’s the story about?”
“It’s about my mom and dad.”
“Really? That’ll be a great one.”
“Yes. It’s in four parts.”
“Great, so what’s the part one about?”
“My mom and dad were traveling to a camping site yesterday. On their way there, they reached a junction where the road was splitting up. Dad looked at my mom and said, ‘honey, we’re gonna take the right turn’ but my mom protested and said, ‘no, this road is too muddy! Take the right turn!’ Quickly, dad slapped my mom and asked her, ‘who is driving? Is it you or me?’”
“Damn! That was harsh.” Said the teacher.
“Really? If you only knew about what happened in part two.”
“Okay, what happened in the second part?”
“When they arrived to the camping site, my dad went straight fishing and mom was home. Dad returned about an hour later with five tilapia fish which got my mom very happy and she said to him, ‘well done honey, bring them here so I can boil them for you and make you some soup.’
However, my dad protested saying, ‘no. No. No honey, I don’t want boiled fish, grill them a bit and fry them later…’ before he could even finish a hot slap landed on to his face and then my mom asked him, ‘who is cooking? Is it you or me?’.”
“Fair enough.” Said the teacher smiling.
“I like how smart she is.”
Johnny laughed and said, me too, but now I wanna start telling you about what happened in the fourth part. You’ll like it I bet you…” the teacher cut him off.
“Why fourth part? Tell me about what happened in the third part first.” Said the teacher before a surprising hot slap landed on her face.
“Dammit Johnny! What was that for?”
Johnny laughed at her and said, “who is telling the story? Is it you or me?”
A man owns a rabbit farm
Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar
On a break time, a teacher realized that one of his students had just stayed idle like a desolated statue.
Wanting to at least cheer him up, the teacher went where the kid was and sat down besides him and said,
“Johnny, what’s wrong with you? Are you sick?”
“No.” He said shaking his head.
“So what’s wrong?”
“I just wanna be alone.”
“Why?”
“Nothing.”
“Come on, what if you tell me a story?”
“Hmmm,” said Johnny, “okay, I’ll tell you this story in four parts.”
“Now you’re talking. What’s the story about?”
“It’s about my mom and dad.”
“Really? That’ll be a great one.”
“Yes. It’s in four parts.”
“Great, so what’s the part one about?”
“My mom and dad were traveling to a camping site yesterday. On their way there, they reached a junction where the road was splitting up. Dad looked at my mom and said, ‘honey, we’re gonna take the right turn’ but my mom protested and said, ‘no, this road is too muddy! Take the right turn!’ Quickly, dad slapped my mom and asked her, ‘who is driving? Is it you or me?’”
“Damn! That was harsh.” Said the teacher.
“Really? If you only knew about what happened in part two.”
“Okay, what happened in the second part?”
“When they arrived to the camping site, my dad went straight fishing and mom was home. Dad returned about an hour later with five tilapia fish which got my mom very happy and she said to him, ‘well done honey, bring them here so I can boil them for you and make you some soup.’
However, my dad protested saying, ‘no. No. No honey, I don’t want boiled fish, grill them a bit and fry them later…’ before he could even finish a hot slap landed on to his face and then my mom asked him, ‘who is cooking? Is it you or me?’.”
“Fair enough.” Said the teacher smiling.
“I like how smart she is.”
Johnny laughed and said, me too, but now I wanna start telling you about what happened in the fourth part. You’ll like it I bet you…” the teacher cut him off.
“Why fourth part? Tell me about what happened in the third part first.” Said the teacher before a surprising hot slap landed on her face.
“Dammit Johnny! What was that for?”
Johnny laughed at her and said, “who is telling the story? Is it you or me?”
A man owns a rabbit farm
Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar
2.
An English teacher spent a lot of time marking grammatical errors in her students’ written work.
She wasn’t sure how much impact she was having until one overly busy day when she sat at her desk rubbing her temples.
A student asked, “What’s the matter, Mrs. Sheridan?”
“Tense,” she replied, describing her emotional state.
After a slight pause the student tried again, “What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the matter?”
A man walks into a dimly lit bar
This bloke went into a nightclub
An English teacher spent a lot of time marking grammatical errors in her students’ written work.
She wasn’t sure how much impact she was having until one overly busy day when she sat at her desk rubbing her temples.
A student asked, “What’s the matter, Mrs. Sheridan?”
“Tense,” she replied, describing her emotional state.
After a slight pause the student tried again, “What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the matter?”
A man walks into a dimly lit bar
This bloke went into a nightclub
3.
A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant.
When their food arrived, the husband said: “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!”
His wife reminded him: “Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!”
Her husband replied: “That’s at home, my dear. Here the chef knows how to cook.”
A old man goes to a doctor
A husband and wife went to marriage Councillor
A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant.
When their food arrived, the husband said: “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!”
His wife reminded him: “Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!”
Her husband replied: “That’s at home, my dear. Here the chef knows how to cook.”
A old man goes to a doctor
A husband and wife went to marriage Councillor
4.
A boy decides to learn the language of all animals.
Dad, there is a school where you can learn the language of animals.
Please, give me money to go there and study.
Fathers agree and give him money.
After a year, the son returns home and the father decides to test his skills.
Son, did you learn the language?
Yes father. Do you hear the cow mooing? She says that she is about to give you 10 liters of milk.
That’s impossible, this cow can give no more than a liter.
Dad milked the cow and it actually gave him 10 liters of milk.
Dad’s super confused but decided that it was a coincidence.
Do you hear that hen? She says that she is about to lay 5 eggs now.
That’s impossible, that hen has never laid any eggs before.
Dad still goes there and checks for the eggs and there actually are 5 eggs laid.
Dad is confused but starts to believe his son.
The second day son sees a donkey running away from his dad and hee-hawing.
Dad trying to pull up his trousers and chase the donkey and screaming to his son: Don’t trust this donkey, she’s lying, don’t believe it son.
A man was in hurry to catch a train
A boy was cycling with a basket of eggs
A boy decides to learn the language of all animals.
Dad, there is a school where you can learn the language of animals.
Please, give me money to go there and study.
Fathers agree and give him money.
After a year, the son returns home and the father decides to test his skills.
Son, did you learn the language?
Yes father. Do you hear the cow mooing? She says that she is about to give you 10 liters of milk.
That’s impossible, this cow can give no more than a liter.
Dad milked the cow and it actually gave him 10 liters of milk.
Dad’s super confused but decided that it was a coincidence.
Do you hear that hen? She says that she is about to lay 5 eggs now.
That’s impossible, that hen has never laid any eggs before.
Dad still goes there and checks for the eggs and there actually are 5 eggs laid.
Dad is confused but starts to believe his son.
The second day son sees a donkey running away from his dad and hee-hawing.
Dad trying to pull up his trousers and chase the donkey and screaming to his son: Don’t trust this donkey, she’s lying, don’t believe it son.
A man was in hurry to catch a train
A boy was cycling with a basket of eggs
5.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human it was physically impossible.
The little girl said: “When i get to heaven i wiII ask Jonah.”
The teacher asked: “What if Jonah went to hell?”
The little girl replied: “Then you ask him.”
I need a tooth pulled
Three old ladies were sitting at dinner
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human it was physically impossible.
The little girl said: “When i get to heaven i wiII ask Jonah.”
The teacher asked: “What if Jonah went to hell?”
The little girl replied: “Then you ask him.”
I need a tooth pulled
Three old ladies were sitting at dinner
6.
A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road when her car breaks down.
She goes to the nearest farmhouse and knocks on the door.
When the farmer answers, she says to him, “My car broke down!
I don’t know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until I can get some help tomorrow?”
“Well,” drawls the farmer, “you can stay here, but I don’t want you messing with my sons Jed and Luke.”
The blonde looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer.
“Okay,” she says. After going to bed, the woman begins to get a little hot thinking about the two boys in the room next to her.
So she quietly goes into their room and says, “Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?”
They say, “Huh?” She says, “The only thing is, I don’t want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers.”
She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.
Forty years later the old Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth.
The old Jed says, “Luke? You remember that blonde woman that came by here forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?”
“Yeah,” says the old Luke, “I remember.”
“Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?” asks Jed.
“Nope,” says Luke, “I reckon not.”
“Me neither,” says Jed.
“Let’s take these things off.”
Dr. Darns said George
Mrs Jones told her pastor
A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road when her car breaks down.
She goes to the nearest farmhouse and knocks on the door.
When the farmer answers, she says to him, “My car broke down!
I don’t know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until I can get some help tomorrow?”
“Well,” drawls the farmer, “you can stay here, but I don’t want you messing with my sons Jed and Luke.”
The blonde looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer.
“Okay,” she says. After going to bed, the woman begins to get a little hot thinking about the two boys in the room next to her.
So she quietly goes into their room and says, “Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?”
They say, “Huh?” She says, “The only thing is, I don’t want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers.”
She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.
Forty years later the old Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth.
The old Jed says, “Luke? You remember that blonde woman that came by here forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?”
“Yeah,” says the old Luke, “I remember.”
“Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?” asks Jed.
“Nope,” says Luke, “I reckon not.”
“Me neither,” says Jed.
“Let’s take these things off.”
Dr. Darns said George
Mrs Jones told her pastor
7.
Three guys were at deer camp, they had to bunk two to a room.
No one wanted to room with Steve because he snored so badly.
They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first night, John slept in Steve’s room and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
The rest of the guys said, “Man, what happened to you?”
He said, “Steve snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.”
The next night it was Garry’s turn in the morning, same thing–hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot.
Once again they asked, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!”
He said, “Man, that Steve shakes the roof, I couldn’t sleep a wink, I just watched him all night.”
The third night was Herb’s turn.
Herb was a big burly guy who loved to fish and hunt — a man’s man.
The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed.
“Good morning,” he said.
The guys couldn’t believe it! They said, “Man, what happened?”
He said, “Well, we got ready for bed.
I went and tucked Steve into bed and kissed him good night.
He sat up and watched me all night long.”
A man’s favorite donkey
A elderly carpenter
Three guys were at deer camp, they had to bunk two to a room.
No one wanted to room with Steve because he snored so badly.
They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first night, John slept in Steve’s room and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
The rest of the guys said, “Man, what happened to you?”
He said, “Steve snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.”
The next night it was Garry’s turn in the morning, same thing–hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot.
Once again they asked, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!”
He said, “Man, that Steve shakes the roof, I couldn’t sleep a wink, I just watched him all night.”
The third night was Herb’s turn.
Herb was a big burly guy who loved to fish and hunt — a man’s man.
The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed.
“Good morning,” he said.
The guys couldn’t believe it! They said, “Man, what happened?”
He said, “Well, we got ready for bed.
I went and tucked Steve into bed and kissed him good night.
He sat up and watched me all night long.”
A man’s favorite donkey
A elderly carpenter
8.
A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter.
“How much is that Barbie in the window?”, he asks the shop assistant.
In a manner she responds, “Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00. ”
The guy asks, “Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others ?
“That’s obvious,” the assistant states, “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture…”
A blonde had just gotten a new car
A small boy is sent to bed by his father
A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter.
“How much is that Barbie in the window?”, he asks the shop assistant.
In a manner she responds, “Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00. ”
The guy asks, “Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others ?
“That’s obvious,” the assistant states, “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture…”
A blonde had just gotten a new car
A small boy is sent to bed by his father
9.
Mr. Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife,
“You’ll never believe it, dear, but I’ve discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking.”
“Really,” said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. “What is it?”
“Back to back.”.
“But that’s crazy. We can’t do anything back to back.”
“Yes we can. I’ve persuaded another couple to help out.”
A elderly couple Ray and Bessie
A old gentleman marries a younger lady
Mr. Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife,
“You’ll never believe it, dear, but I’ve discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking.”
“Really,” said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. “What is it?”
“Back to back.”.
“But that’s crazy. We can’t do anything back to back.”
“Yes we can. I’ve persuaded another couple to help out.”
A elderly couple Ray and Bessie
A old gentleman marries a younger lady
10.
A young lady was waiting for her flight in the boarding room of a big airport.
As she would need to wait for a long time, she decided to buy a book to read and a packet of cookies to snack on.
She sat down in an armchair in the VIP room of the airport to relax and read in peace.
A man sat down in the next seat, opened his magazine and started reading when she took out the first cookie, the man took one also.
She felt irritated but said nothing.
She just thought: “What a nerve! If I wasn’t so nice, I would blacken his eye.”
For each cookie she took, the man took one too this was infuriating her but she didn’t want to cause a scene.
When only one cookie remained, she thought: “Aaah… What will this rude man do now?”
Then the man, taking the last cookie, divided it into half, giving her one-half that was too much!
She was really angry now.
In a huff, she took her book, the rest of her things and stormed off to the boarding place.
For the next hours, she found it hard to forget what happened.
She couldn’t even focus reading her book how dare that guy, right?
When she sat down in her seat on the plane, she looked into her purse to take out her reading glasses, and to her surprise, her packet of cookies was there, untouched and unopened.
She felt so ashamed.
She realized that she was wrong.
She had forgotten that her cookies were kept in her purse.
The man had divided his cookies with her, without feeling angered or bitter, while she had been very angry, thinking that she was dividing her cookies with him.
And now there was no chance to explain herself… nor to apologize have you ever lost your cool and then realized later that you were in the wrong?
I’m sure that most of us have let’s save ourselves some embarrassment and make sure that we are in possession of all of the facts before reacting.
There are four things you can never recover… The stone after the throw;
The word after it’s said; The occasion after the loss, and The time after it’s gone.
A beggar knocked at the door
A poor boy who was selling goods
A young lady was waiting for her flight in the boarding room of a big airport.
As she would need to wait for a long time, she decided to buy a book to read and a packet of cookies to snack on.
She sat down in an armchair in the VIP room of the airport to relax and read in peace.
A man sat down in the next seat, opened his magazine and started reading when she took out the first cookie, the man took one also.
She felt irritated but said nothing.
She just thought: “What a nerve! If I wasn’t so nice, I would blacken his eye.”
For each cookie she took, the man took one too this was infuriating her but she didn’t want to cause a scene.
When only one cookie remained, she thought: “Aaah… What will this rude man do now?”
Then the man, taking the last cookie, divided it into half, giving her one-half that was too much!
She was really angry now.
In a huff, she took her book, the rest of her things and stormed off to the boarding place.
For the next hours, she found it hard to forget what happened.
She couldn’t even focus reading her book how dare that guy, right?
When she sat down in her seat on the plane, she looked into her purse to take out her reading glasses, and to her surprise, her packet of cookies was there, untouched and unopened.
She felt so ashamed.
She realized that she was wrong.
She had forgotten that her cookies were kept in her purse.
The man had divided his cookies with her, without feeling angered or bitter, while she had been very angry, thinking that she was dividing her cookies with him.
And now there was no chance to explain herself… nor to apologize have you ever lost your cool and then realized later that you were in the wrong?
I’m sure that most of us have let’s save ourselves some embarrassment and make sure that we are in possession of all of the facts before reacting.
There are four things you can never recover… The stone after the throw;
The word after it’s said; The occasion after the loss, and The time after it’s gone.
A beggar knocked at the door
A poor boy who was selling goods
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11.
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, “Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?”
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said– “Well yeah, if that’s what they are– I never heard of circle flies”.
So the farmer says– “Well, circle flies are common on farms see, they’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.”
The trooper says, “Oh,” and goes back to writing the ticket then after a minute he stops and says, “Hey…wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horses back end?”
The farmer says, “Oh no, officer I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses back end.”
The trooper says, “Well, that’s a good thing,” and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says, ” Hard to fool them flies though.”
A nice priest whom she asked
Two men both seriously ill
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, “Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?”
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said– “Well yeah, if that’s what they are– I never heard of circle flies”.
So the farmer says– “Well, circle flies are common on farms see, they’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.”
The trooper says, “Oh,” and goes back to writing the ticket then after a minute he stops and says, “Hey…wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horses back end?”
The farmer says, “Oh no, officer I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses back end.”
The trooper says, “Well, that’s a good thing,” and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says, ” Hard to fool them flies though.”
A nice priest whom she asked
Two men both seriously ill
12.
A 50 year old lady, who suddenly started learning how to swim instead of her usual routine work of going to a Church !!!!
Everyone was curious and asked her: “why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?”
The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: “Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel each other She Daughter-in-law always asks my son.”
“If your mom and I fall in water, whom will you save first?”
And because I do not want to put my son in a difficult position, so I am learning how to swim!
A few days later husband and wife were quarreling again, and the daughter-in-law unreasonably asked:
“now tell me! If your mom and I fall in water, whom will you save first?”
Husband replied: “I don’t have to get down in the water, my mom knows how to swim, she will save you.”
Wife refused to relent: “No, you have to jump in the water, and have to save one of us.”
Husband replied: “Then you will surely die…. because I don’t know how to swim …. and my mom will definitely save me first.”
A little boy and a little girl attended
A young pastor was sitting in a restaurant
A 50 year old lady, who suddenly started learning how to swim instead of her usual routine work of going to a Church !!!!
Everyone was curious and asked her: “why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?”
The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: “Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel each other She Daughter-in-law always asks my son.”
“If your mom and I fall in water, whom will you save first?”
And because I do not want to put my son in a difficult position, so I am learning how to swim!
A few days later husband and wife were quarreling again, and the daughter-in-law unreasonably asked:
“now tell me! If your mom and I fall in water, whom will you save first?”
Husband replied: “I don’t have to get down in the water, my mom knows how to swim, she will save you.”
Wife refused to relent: “No, you have to jump in the water, and have to save one of us.”
Husband replied: “Then you will surely die…. because I don’t know how to swim …. and my mom will definitely save me first.”
A little boy and a little girl attended
A young pastor was sitting in a restaurant
13.
At St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto , they have weekly husband’s marriage seminars.
At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, “Well a, I’v a tried to treat her nice a, spend a money on her, but best a of all is, I took a her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!”
The priest responded, “Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?”
Giuseppe proudly replied, “I gonna go pick her up.”
The little boy had been looking
A confused father goes to buy a Barbie Doll
At St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto , they have weekly husband’s marriage seminars.
At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, “Well a, I’v a tried to treat her nice a, spend a money on her, but best a of all is, I took a her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!”
The priest responded, “Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?”
Giuseppe proudly replied, “I gonna go pick her up.”
The little boy had been looking
A confused father goes to buy a Barbie Doll
14.
A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse.
The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!’ really loudly in the horse’s ear.
Providing you do that, you’ll be fine.”
The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command.
The race begins and they approach the first hurdle.
The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
They carry on and approach the second hurdle.
The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers “Aleeee ooop” in the horse’s ear.
The same thing happens, the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, ‘It’s no good, I’ll have to do it,’ and yells, “ALLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly.
Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems.
This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.
The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong.
The jockey replies, “Nothing is wrong with me – it’s this damn horse.
What is he, deaf or something?”
The trainer replies, “Deaf? DEAF?! He’s not deaf, he’s BLIND!”
The waitress says “I’m sorry
The man checked his speed legged chicken
A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse.
The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!’ really loudly in the horse’s ear.
Providing you do that, you’ll be fine.”
The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command.
The race begins and they approach the first hurdle.
The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
They carry on and approach the second hurdle.
The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers “Aleeee ooop” in the horse’s ear.
The same thing happens, the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, ‘It’s no good, I’ll have to do it,’ and yells, “ALLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly.
Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems.
This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.
The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong.
The jockey replies, “Nothing is wrong with me – it’s this damn horse.
What is he, deaf or something?”
The trainer replies, “Deaf? DEAF?! He’s not deaf, he’s BLIND!”
The waitress says “I’m sorry
The man checked his speed legged chicken
15.
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
A burglar broke into house
God Will Save Me
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
A burglar broke into house
God Will Save Me
16.
A man asked his doctor if he thought he’d live to be a hundred.
The doctor asked the man,
“Do you smoke or drink?”
“No,” he replied.
“I’ve never done either.”
“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor.
“No, I’ve never done any of those things either.”
“Well then,” said the doctor,
“what do you want to live to be a hundred for?
A pastor
The expensive printer photocopier
A man asked his doctor if he thought he’d live to be a hundred.
The doctor asked the man,
“Do you smoke or drink?”
“No,” he replied.
“I’ve never done either.”
“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor.
“No, I’ve never done any of those things either.”
“Well then,” said the doctor,
“what do you want to live to be a hundred for?
A pastor
The expensive printer photocopier
17.
While taking the interview, the employer asked the candidate:
Employer: So, how long did you work during your’e last job?
Candidate: 30 years
Employer: oh, you look young how old are you
Candidate: 20 years old
The employer was surprised and asked the candidate how she worked 30 years and has only been living for 20 years??
Candidate: Overtime!
The teacher asked her a question
A dentist told a mother
While taking the interview, the employer asked the candidate:
Employer: So, how long did you work during your’e last job?
Candidate: 30 years
Employer: oh, you look young how old are you
Candidate: 20 years old
The employer was surprised and asked the candidate how she worked 30 years and has only been living for 20 years??
Candidate: Overtime!
The teacher asked her a question
A dentist told a mother
18.
One night a lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, “Acts 2:38: ‘Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.'”
The robber quickly gave up & the lady rang the police.
While handcuffing the criminal, a policeman said, “Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily.
How come you gave up so quickly?”
The robber said, “She said she had an axe and two 38’s!”
A radical feminist is getting on a bus
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church
One night a lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, “Acts 2:38: ‘Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.'”
The robber quickly gave up & the lady rang the police.
While handcuffing the criminal, a policeman said, “Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily.
How come you gave up so quickly?”
The robber said, “She said she had an axe and two 38’s!”
A radical feminist is getting on a bus
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church
19.
My general was making so damn angry by giving me extra work.
So i started thinking of a way to get back at him. So i went around to all the people thank were a higher rank than me and asked them to follow me and if they would sign my release papers.
They all said hell no because i was only in the army for a year.
And so i went up to the general and asked him to follow me. He did and i led him around all of the officers.
They all glared at him, and were writing things down.
And thats how i got a different general, but not out of the army.
An Irishman is out of work and decides to go
A little boy wished for 10 ping-pong balls
My general was making so damn angry by giving me extra work.
So i started thinking of a way to get back at him. So i went around to all the people thank were a higher rank than me and asked them to follow me and if they would sign my release papers.
They all said hell no because i was only in the army for a year.
And so i went up to the general and asked him to follow me. He did and i led him around all of the officers.
They all glared at him, and were writing things down.
And thats how i got a different general, but not out of the army.
An Irishman is out of work and decides to go
A little boy wished for 10 ping-pong balls
20.
A shy little 4-year-old came in to the dentist for his first cleaning and check-up.
The hygienist tried to strike up a conversation but no response.
After the cleaning, the dentist was called in to do the final check.
The dentist tried to strike up a conversation as well: “How old are you?” No response.
The dentist then asked: “Don’t you know how old you are?” Immediately four tiny fingers went up.
“Oh,” replied the dentist, “and do you know how old that is?” Four little fingers went up once again. Continuing the effort to get a response, the dentist asked: “Can you talk?”
The solemn little patient looked at him and asked: “Yes! And can you count?”
The retired guy goes to the doctor
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom
A shy little 4-year-old came in to the dentist for his first cleaning and check-up.
The hygienist tried to strike up a conversation but no response.
After the cleaning, the dentist was called in to do the final check.
The dentist tried to strike up a conversation as well: “How old are you?” No response.
The dentist then asked: “Don’t you know how old you are?” Immediately four tiny fingers went up.
“Oh,” replied the dentist, “and do you know how old that is?” Four little fingers went up once again. Continuing the effort to get a response, the dentist asked: “Can you talk?”
The solemn little patient looked at him and asked: “Yes! And can you count?”
The retired guy goes to the doctor
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom
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21.
A polish man married an American girl, and though his English wasn’t very good.
They got along very well.
One day he rushes into a lawyer’s office and asks him to arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer says that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asks him the following questions:
Lawyer: “Have you any grounds?”
Man: “Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.”
Lawyer: “No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?”
Man: “It made of concrete.”
Lawyer: “I don’t think you understand. Do either of you have real grudge?”
Man: “No, we have carport, and not need one.”
Lawyer: “I mean what are you relations like?”
Man: “All my relations still in Poland.”
Lawyer: “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
Man: “We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.”
Lawyer: “Does your wife beat you up?”
Man: “No, I always up before her.”
Lawyer: “Why do you want this divorce?”
Man: “She going to kill me.”
Lawyer: “What makes you think that?”
Man: “I got proof.”
Lawyer: “What kind of proof?”
Man: “She going to poison me.”
Man: “She buy a bottle at a drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.”
Man: “I can read English pretty good, and its say right there: Regular polish remover”
A man is playing with a stray dog
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single
A polish man married an American girl, and though his English wasn’t very good.
They got along very well.
One day he rushes into a lawyer’s office and asks him to arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer says that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asks him the following questions:
Lawyer: “Have you any grounds?”
Man: “Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.”
Lawyer: “No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?”
Man: “It made of concrete.”
Lawyer: “I don’t think you understand. Do either of you have real grudge?”
Man: “No, we have carport, and not need one.”
Lawyer: “I mean what are you relations like?”
Man: “All my relations still in Poland.”
Lawyer: “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
Man: “We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.”
Lawyer: “Does your wife beat you up?”
Man: “No, I always up before her.”
Lawyer: “Why do you want this divorce?”
Man: “She going to kill me.”
Lawyer: “What makes you think that?”
Man: “I got proof.”
Lawyer: “What kind of proof?”
Man: “She going to poison me.”
Man: “She buy a bottle at a drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.”
Man: “I can read English pretty good, and its say right there: Regular polish remover”
A man is playing with a stray dog
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single
22.
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone.
He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she is his for the night.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying it is from the gentleman at a nearby table.
She looks at the the man, then at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.
The note read: “For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants.”
The man, after reading this note, sends another note to her. It read:
“Just so you will know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage, plus I have over twenty-million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my weapon. Just send the wine back.”
A female secretary was helping her boss
A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone.
He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she is his for the night.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying it is from the gentleman at a nearby table.
She looks at the the man, then at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.
The note read: “For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants.”
The man, after reading this note, sends another note to her. It read:
“Just so you will know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage, plus I have over twenty-million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my weapon. Just send the wine back.”
A female secretary was helping her boss
A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub
23.
An old lady walked into the Bank of America with a huge bag of money.
She told the receptionist that she would like to meet the president of the bank as she wanted to deposit a large sum of money.
The receptionist objected but the old lady wouldn’t move, so with no option left she went inside the office.
She came back and said, “You are lucky this morning, He will see you!”
Bank president: “How can I help you madam?”
She Old Lady: “I would like to open a new account and deposit this money.”
He: “How much money do you like to deposit?”
She: “$180,000 Please.” Started dumping the whole amount on his table.
The bank president was a bit surprised.
“How did you get this much cash Madam? We are not a laundering facility!”
She: “Oh, it’s nothing illegal. I make bets.”
He: “What kind of bets?”
She: “For example, I bet you that your right hand will taste like eggs, just your right hand and not your left. Lets meet again by tomorrow 9:00 AM. If I’m right, you will owe me $25,000. If I lose, I’ll pay you $10,000!”
The man is shocked. How is that even possible? But he’s a banker at heart and this is easy money, so he accepts the bet almost immediately.
She: “Okay then, I’ll come around 9:00 AM tomorrow with my lawyer. Don’t try to dodge the bet! No regrets!”
Feeling hesitant before her certainty, he mumbles his agreement.
It was so bizarre, he didn’t even like eggs! But he was so tense about it, he couldn’t sleep all night, licking his hands and smelling them to make sure they smell normal.
The next day at 9:00 AM the old lady was there, right on time, with her witness.
She: “Can I check your hands now Sir?”
He: “Yes. Go ahead.”
She held his hands and started sniffing his right hand. Then she licked it briefly to confirm.
Her lawyer started banging his head against the wall.
The president, delighted with his $10,000 win and kicking himself for worrying, asked the lady what was wrong with lawyer’s strange behaviour.
Lawyer: “She had a bet with me for $100,000. I can’t believe I lost. She said she will be licking the hands of the president of the Bank of America at 9:00 AM today!”
A married man affair with his secretary
George goes to the doctor
An old lady walked into the Bank of America with a huge bag of money.
She told the receptionist that she would like to meet the president of the bank as she wanted to deposit a large sum of money.
The receptionist objected but the old lady wouldn’t move, so with no option left she went inside the office.
She came back and said, “You are lucky this morning, He will see you!”
Bank president: “How can I help you madam?”
She Old Lady: “I would like to open a new account and deposit this money.”
He: “How much money do you like to deposit?”
She: “$180,000 Please.” Started dumping the whole amount on his table.
The bank president was a bit surprised.
“How did you get this much cash Madam? We are not a laundering facility!”
She: “Oh, it’s nothing illegal. I make bets.”
He: “What kind of bets?”
She: “For example, I bet you that your right hand will taste like eggs, just your right hand and not your left. Lets meet again by tomorrow 9:00 AM. If I’m right, you will owe me $25,000. If I lose, I’ll pay you $10,000!”
The man is shocked. How is that even possible? But he’s a banker at heart and this is easy money, so he accepts the bet almost immediately.
She: “Okay then, I’ll come around 9:00 AM tomorrow with my lawyer. Don’t try to dodge the bet! No regrets!”
Feeling hesitant before her certainty, he mumbles his agreement.
It was so bizarre, he didn’t even like eggs! But he was so tense about it, he couldn’t sleep all night, licking his hands and smelling them to make sure they smell normal.
The next day at 9:00 AM the old lady was there, right on time, with her witness.
She: “Can I check your hands now Sir?”
He: “Yes. Go ahead.”
She held his hands and started sniffing his right hand. Then she licked it briefly to confirm.
Her lawyer started banging his head against the wall.
The president, delighted with his $10,000 win and kicking himself for worrying, asked the lady what was wrong with lawyer’s strange behaviour.
Lawyer: “She had a bet with me for $100,000. I can’t believe I lost. She said she will be licking the hands of the president of the Bank of America at 9:00 AM today!”
A married man affair with his secretary
George goes to the doctor
24.
A preacher, a lawyer, and a doctor all do deer hunting.
They go for a few hours without seeing anything, and then they all spot an enormous deer grazing in a field.
They all excitedly shoot at it at the same time.
The deer immediately drops, but they only find one bullet hole.
They argue and debate for hours over who shot the deer, each wanting it claim the trophy of a kill.
After much debate and getting nowhere, they decide to call their friend, who is a Wild Life Expert, to come and examine the deer.
They tell him where they all stood, that they shot it at the same time, and that it dropped immediately.
He looks at it for hours, and he keeps circling the deer, looking all over, and finally said:
“I know who shot the deer”
“Who?” They all asked eagerly.
“It was the preacher.”
The preacher jumps up and down and shouts for joy, while the other two are furious.
“How can you tell that just from looking at the bullet hole?!” They ask angrily
“Well it’s really very simple gentlemen.”
He says calmly. “If you look at the bullet hole, you can see that it goes inside one ear, and comes out the other”
A man goes to the circus
Wife is running in the park
A preacher, a lawyer, and a doctor all do deer hunting.
They go for a few hours without seeing anything, and then they all spot an enormous deer grazing in a field.
They all excitedly shoot at it at the same time.
The deer immediately drops, but they only find one bullet hole.
They argue and debate for hours over who shot the deer, each wanting it claim the trophy of a kill.
After much debate and getting nowhere, they decide to call their friend, who is a Wild Life Expert, to come and examine the deer.
They tell him where they all stood, that they shot it at the same time, and that it dropped immediately.
He looks at it for hours, and he keeps circling the deer, looking all over, and finally said:
“I know who shot the deer”
“Who?” They all asked eagerly.
“It was the preacher.”
The preacher jumps up and down and shouts for joy, while the other two are furious.
“How can you tell that just from looking at the bullet hole?!” They ask angrily
“Well it’s really very simple gentlemen.”
He says calmly. “If you look at the bullet hole, you can see that it goes inside one ear, and comes out the other”
A man goes to the circus
Wife is running in the park
25.
Two men are drinking in a bar.
One turns to the other and says, “I bet you $100 that I can bite my eye.”
The second fellow thinks to himself, I guess he’s had about enough, so he replies, “OK, you’re on.”
The first man takes out his glass eye and bites it.
So the second man has to pay.
Awhile later the first man says, “I bet you $100 I can bite my other eye.”
The second man thinks, well, he can’t have TWO glass eyes; he obviously can see.
So he says, “All right, you’re on.”
The first man promptly takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye.
A old lady and old man were sitting on their porch
A speeding driver was pulled over
Two men are drinking in a bar.
One turns to the other and says, “I bet you $100 that I can bite my eye.”
The second fellow thinks to himself, I guess he’s had about enough, so he replies, “OK, you’re on.”
The first man takes out his glass eye and bites it.
So the second man has to pay.
Awhile later the first man says, “I bet you $100 I can bite my other eye.”
The second man thinks, well, he can’t have TWO glass eyes; he obviously can see.
So he says, “All right, you’re on.”
The first man promptly takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye.
A old lady and old man were sitting on their porch
A speeding driver was pulled over
26.
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, “Robert doesn’t appreciate what I do for him.”
“Now, now,” her mother comforted, “I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.”
“No, mother,” you don’t understand.
“I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!”
“Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!” says her mom.
“Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars.”
“No, mother it wasn’t the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket.”
“Airplane ticket…. What did you need an airplane ticket for?”
“Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said ‘Prepare from a frozen state,’ so I flew to Alaska!”
A police officer pulls over an elderly couple
A couple invites their family for dinner
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, “Robert doesn’t appreciate what I do for him.”
“Now, now,” her mother comforted, “I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.”
“No, mother,” you don’t understand.
“I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!”
“Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!” says her mom.
“Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars.”
“No, mother it wasn’t the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket.”
“Airplane ticket…. What did you need an airplane ticket for?”
“Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said ‘Prepare from a frozen state,’ so I flew to Alaska!”
A police officer pulls over an elderly couple
A couple invites their family for dinner
27.
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister,
“When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”
The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.
The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.
After buying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch.
I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.”
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left.
She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word “comfortable”.
The telegraph operator shakes his head.
“How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, “comfortable?”
The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. The word’s big. She’ll read it slow.”
A man comes to his doctor and tells
A old man is in the surgery
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister,
“When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”
The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.
The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.
After buying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch.
I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.”
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left.
She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word “comfortable”.
The telegraph operator shakes his head.
“How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, “comfortable?”
The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. The word’s big. She’ll read it slow.”
A man comes to his doctor and tells
A old man is in the surgery
28.
A man was having an affair with a married woman for quite some time.
One day her husband comes home early from work.
The wife hears him come in, jumps up and tells her lover to go into the bathroom and hide.
The moment he dives into the bathroom and she hides his clothes under the bed, the husband opens the door and comes in.
He stops in surprise at seeing his wife stark undressed. ”What the hell are you doing?”
Thinking quickly, the wife says, ”Uhm waiting for you.”
The suspicious husband looks at her in disbelief and says, ”But you’re undressed.”
Again the woman says, ”Yeah… I was waiting for you.”
The husband relaxes and says, ”Hold on, I’m going to jump in the shower. I’ll be back in a flash!”
The wife tries to stop him but he just ignores her and rushes for the bathroom.
When he opens the bathroom door, there is a undressed man jumping around and clapping.
The husband asks,” What in the hell are you doing?”
He replied, ”I’m the exterminator, and your wife called saying you guys had a problem with moths.”
The other man looks at him and says, ”But… you’re undressed.”
The lover looks down, jumps in surprise and mutters, ”Them little bastards!”
A woman came home early from work
A woman and a baby were in the doctor
A man was having an affair with a married woman for quite some time.
One day her husband comes home early from work.
The wife hears him come in, jumps up and tells her lover to go into the bathroom and hide.
The moment he dives into the bathroom and she hides his clothes under the bed, the husband opens the door and comes in.
He stops in surprise at seeing his wife stark undressed. ”What the hell are you doing?”
Thinking quickly, the wife says, ”Uhm waiting for you.”
The suspicious husband looks at her in disbelief and says, ”But you’re undressed.”
Again the woman says, ”Yeah… I was waiting for you.”
The husband relaxes and says, ”Hold on, I’m going to jump in the shower. I’ll be back in a flash!”
The wife tries to stop him but he just ignores her and rushes for the bathroom.
When he opens the bathroom door, there is a undressed man jumping around and clapping.
The husband asks,” What in the hell are you doing?”
He replied, ”I’m the exterminator, and your wife called saying you guys had a problem with moths.”
The other man looks at him and says, ”But… you’re undressed.”
The lover looks down, jumps in surprise and mutters, ”Them little bastards!”
A woman came home early from work
A woman and a baby were in the doctor
29.
A respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,
‘I would like to buy some cyanide’
The pharmacist asked, ‘Why in the world do you need cyanide?’
The lady replied, ‘I need it to poison my husband.’
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed,
‘Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CAN NOT have any cyanide!’
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
‘Well now, that’s different.
You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.
The elderly lady is in the Supermarket
Johnny spends a rare weekend with his dad
A respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,
‘I would like to buy some cyanide’
The pharmacist asked, ‘Why in the world do you need cyanide?’
The lady replied, ‘I need it to poison my husband.’
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed,
‘Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CAN NOT have any cyanide!’
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
‘Well now, that’s different.
You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.
The elderly lady is in the Supermarket
Johnny spends a rare weekend with his dad
30.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, “What’s the matter with you? Mrs
Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?”
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, “Yes, yes but does she still have the hiccups?”
I left three envelopes in your desk
A group of devils
After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, “What’s the matter with you? Mrs
Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?”
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, “Yes, yes but does she still have the hiccups?”
I left three envelopes in your desk
A group of devils
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eng jokes